Bad Icecream
by trytofindme
Summary: Sometimes you should not eavesdrop on conversations, especially when it is Kensi and Deeks.
1. Chapter 1

Or the Alternate title - With language like that. Are you sure you're not porn stars?

* * *

Callen was sitting at his desk completing paperwork. Most of it overdue paperwork. Letter opener overdue, threats by Hetty. It was quiet in the bullpen, Sam in the gym working out with Kensi and Deeks out of the office. The only sounds were pen scratching on paper, keyboard tapping and the sound of paper being moved from inbox and incomplete to outbox.

"All I am saying is have a taste," Deeks said as he and Kensi walked into the couch area. They had gone out for lunch. Callen could hear their conversation but didn't look up.

"But I don't want to," Kensi answered, smiling under Deeks' gaze.

"Go on have a lick, it will taste good."

"No."

"Just a little one on the side, feel it explode in your mouth." There was the sound of a zip being undone and clothes being moved.

"I said no."

"Come on, you know that you want to, all that cream."

"Well maybe just a little."

"Taste it."

"Mmmm, it is good."

"Feels velvety."

"Yeah."

"See what did I tell you, have another lick." A moments silence before Deeks continues, "There's a good girl."

"I'm not a girl, I'm more woman than you could handle"

"Well the way you are licking, makes me think that this is your first time."

"I have done this before."

"Come here then and lick some more. Properly."

"I will." There was some more sounds of getting comfortable on the couch and clothes being moved. Callen cringed he did not want to hear them having it off on the couch. He realised that they had probably forgotten he was there or hadn't noticed him to begin with.

"That's right, just like that. Maybe I should let you do this again later."

"Definitely later. On the beach?"

"Yeah."

"Can I lick your's again?"

"Oh, yeah, anything you want princess."

"Will you taste mine?"

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Kensi, Deeks, I can hear you. I don't want to know about licking and tasting with the pair of you. This is a work place not a porn set," Callen got out still not looking at the pair.

"Callen, Kens and I just sharing an icecream."

"What?" Callen raised his head in shock and looked at the fully dressed pair sitting beside each other on the couch. Deeks holding the icecream and the covering of Kensi's lips from icecream smears. "Oh god."


	2. Chapter 2

It was quiet in the mission, people arriving for the start of the day with the two senior agents at their desks, starting computers and checking in trays before deciding what their first drink should be.

"Where are they?" Sam asked as he followed Callen to the lunchroom coffee area of the mission.

"Not here yet and today is carpool day for them," Callen reminded as he started to make tea, "when they come in together."

"So probably delayed, again," Sam answered accepting the cup Callen offered him.

"You are a pain." The missing staff members had announced their presence.

"All I'm saying is that I can easily turn it on and off," Deeks said walking past into the bullpen area.

"And so can I," Kensi replied, going to her desk to set up for the day. Sam quietly watched with interest the bickering partners, Callen only half listened as he kept making his tea.

"I also know how to push your buttons."

"You do that anyway."

"And twiddle your knobs."

"Deeks, it is distracting."

"Maybe you should let me do it rather than smack my hands."

"Maybe I should cuff you so you can't."

"Please, you need to work your kinks out and I can help with that."

"I don't need to and you should keep your hands to yourself."

"I think I should decide that."

"No you don't, and if you are not careful I will smack more than your hands."

"You already beat me and enjoy it, so why can't I have this?"

"I decided no."

"I'll keep doing it anyway."

"I can always kick you out."

"But you won't."

"If you are going to come with me, you have to stop playing with it."

"When you come with me, have I ever stopped you from playing with it?"

"Well, no."

"And should this not be an equal partnership, so I can play too?"

"No. I like being in control."

"Look at it from my position."

"No."

"That's not fair. Maybe I should stop you in the future?"

"Oh please, you like it when I do it."

"Just because I don't say anything."

"Guys, we don't need to hear about your little bondage sex play in your off time," Callen instructed as he and Sam made their way back to their desks.

"Bondage play? You think we are talking about sex?" Deeks looked at Callen a little confused.

"Callen, we're arguing about the car radio," Kensi smirked as she realised what their argument had sounded like.

"Sounds like we need another sexual harassment seminar," Sam joked as he sat down in his chair.


	3. Chapter 3

Callen was walking his way upstairs to check in with Nell and Eric, Sam was in the gym and Kensi and Deeks were on donut duty. As he rounded the top of the stairs he could hear the pair in ops. Their discussion stopped him in his tracks.

"I am telling you to push it in."

"I have."

"Well it is not working for me."

"Fine then you check it."

"I will, Errrriiiccc." Nell dragged out his name as a little whine.

"We can try another."

"Please."

"How about this one?"

"Try wiggling a bit."

"I am."

"Still not working for me."

"Hold on. Let me do this and this." Eric's voice sounded masterful. "How about now?"

"Yes, thank god."

"Ok, lets do this."

Callen cringed. He really didn't want to go into ops but he had to. He was a senior field agent for a highly classified government agency, he could do this. While he took a moment to summon his courage, Hetty walked past him and into ops.

"Have you finished yet?" Hetty asked. Callen's eyes bulged at her statement, Hetty had just walked in on Nell and Eric, having sex, in ops.

"Not quite there is a little bit to go," Eric answered before a lull in the noise.

"And yes! We have it!" Nell nearly shouted.

"Mr Callen," Hetty called, "Will you join us in here."

"I will go and grab Sam," Callen tried to back up away from ops. He did not want to see his co workers naked.

"He will be up shortly."

"Then I will go and grab," Callen started to say as Sam walked past him.

"What you got for us?" Sam said as he walked into ops.

"Well we have finally cracked that flash drive that we received in the mail," Nell answered.

"Flash drive?" Callen muttered as he took the last steps to ops_. All this was about a flash drive, a little flash drive? Both Nell and Eric have spent too much time with Kensi and Deeks they are turning everything they say into lines from porn films. _

"Are you ok, Callen?" Eric asked as he looked at the pale agent.

"I think I need a holiday. Been working too hard." Callen muttered.

"Maybe you should take up meditation," Sam smiled.


End file.
